LOVE

Stories from the Staff

III

Another very large and tall man was once an FBI agent and state policeman. I had visited the family in the home prior to his admission to the facility. He and his wife lived in a small, neat home, with their son living next door. The wife was crippled with arthritis and was wheelchair bound. The family made the decision to move him to our facility and move their mother to a daughter's home, out of state. Once he was admitted, he only saw his wife once during the two years he lived there. Because of his size, and his silent, passive behavior, he was more than a little intimidating to staff. When he resisted care, if staff didn't watch carefully for signs of increasing agitation, he could become assaultive before they realized his mood. He spent hours sitting upright in a recliner in the dining room, just watching events, usually with a solemn look on his face. Many times as I walked through the dining room and would speak to him, he would just look at me passively and with no reaction. On occasion however, he would break into a huge, beautiful, and content (not happy) smile, almost like a madonna smile. Then his large blue eyes would appear even larger and bluer. This gentleman did not speak at all.

Having been a nurse for over 20 years, I have long since stopped grieving when these elderly saints pass on, knowing they are leaving a body and disease that has made a prisoner of them, and (my hope for each is) that they have moved to a better place with a perfect body.

I was called by staff to his room when this resident died. My usual practice at these times, is to spend time with the staff, especially those who have not attended to a deceased resident, to counsel them through the process of preparing the body, but more importantly to counsel them about the importance of respecting the deceased resident just as he was respected while living. It is a reverent time, usually spent recalling favorite memories, while washing and positioning the resident.

(My personal belief is that, at the time just following death, the resident is very aware of everything going on and knows and hears family and staff. I believe that the resident who has just died and has family in the room, is very much with the family just after death, for a short period of time. It continues to be a very awesome experience for me, knowing that this person who was just moments before alive, is now in eternity. Having been with my family members, and with residents I am particularly close to, I find it to be a time of celebration, even though we celebrate through tears many times.)

It was, then, a shock to me to find myself becoming tearful when providing post-mortem care to this resident. Sometimes emotions take control and leave us surprised at our response.